Jamfest Recap

Hello!

Now, that life has calmed down a bit (whatever that means), I'm going to give a update on how Jamfest went.

Let me just say, "OH MY LORD!" What a crazy experience. The whole process was just a lot of fun and a great learning experience. I don't even know where to start:

The Look:
So I got professionally styled for Jamfest. No joke! My stylists took me shopping, picked my hairstyle, and came backstage on the night of to do my makeup and dress me. It was quite a production and people kept saying they could hardly recognize me. Of course, that just means that I look "frumpy" every other day of my life. But Mirta and Quita set the standard pretty high for my "look" going forward. Now, EVERYBODY is putting their 2 cents in about how I could look really good if I applied myself. Okay, I'm exaggerating a little bit, but I've definitely had to have more conversations than I'm comfortable w/ lately about how I dress and do my hair.

It was so ridiculous that on Saturday night, I was kinda tense about choosing what to wear for church the next day. "What will people say about this?" "Should I wear my hair like this?" Of course, I happened to be leading on Sunday so everyone was going to see me. Then, I realized that I didn't care anymore. It didn't matter what I wore because it's not about me. And I was ready to give anyone who made a comment about my outfit the "It's Not About Me" lecture, but , thankfully, nobody bothered me.

Enough w/ the tirade....

The Stage:
When Kenny called my name and I stepped on stage, people were standing and cheering, the Praise Team was jumping and cheering too. I had to just stand there smiling until they got quiet. But what an awesome feeling! I felt so much love and support! I LOVE my friends, family and church community. I had been praying before going on stage that this would feel like leading on a Sunday (only, in high heels) and it really did. I felt pretty comfortable up on that stage (until my feet start to hurt).

Afterwards:
I was definitely on the Jamfest cloud for a good 2 days after the event. I was invited to sing "This is Who I Am" at an event in June. People kept asking me when the album is coming out (the answer to that is "soon" - we have a lot of work to do). I could fill up a wall w/ all of the encouraging emails (I will never delete those, by the way).

But I forced myself to get down off the cloud. I was up to lead on Sunday and I didn't want to be performing or showing off in any way.

But, yeah, Jamfest was awesome! I feel so honored to have been asked to minister. I can't wait to see what God has in store!

Jamfest

Shame on me! It's been almost a month since I last updated this blog. I've been busy and I really haven't had much to say, but I think I'd better update this thing w/ a general life update.

So life has been very full lately. There's always something going on. The biggest thing lately has been Jamfest. A couple of months ago, I was asked to be a guest artist at Jamfest, a concert that's held at CSUN that my church/college ministry is responsible for putting on every year. Wow! What an honor. I didn't even know how to respond. I said yes, of course. Jamfest is finally here this week on Wednesday night and I will be an artist along w/ Da Truth (a Christian rapper) and T.C. Bereal (gospel recording artist). I'll be singing 2 songs including "This is Who I Am." Tonee has made a beautiful arrangement that I can't wait to minister on stage. I think the theme of the song is timely.

Practicing and prepping w/ the Praise Team for Wednesday has been great. I'm having so much fun and they've really given me the freedom to do what I want in terms of the arrangement for the 2nd song I'm doing. I've also been in prayer about Jamfest and asking God to prepare me. I felt okay about the preparation up until yestererday. I've kept a pretty clear head about the event - low insecurity level, having fun, not getting cocky. But I didn't quite feel prepared yet. I felt like God needed to do one more shift, but I didn't know what that was. Yesterday, He did it. I basically needed to be broken before Him and vulnerable so that I can minister on Wednesday night. After worship yesterday, I feel sufficiently broken, but also ready to go.

There's so much more I could say about the love and support I've felt during this time of preparation. I could even go on and on about the people who are dressing/styling me for the occcasion (OMG...I wish I could get professionally styled everyday). I could talk about my parents, grandma, family, coworker and friends who are coming to support.....BUT I won't.

Have a good day!

Preview of next update: Sarcasm....love....being a jerk is not always cool or funny.

Yes = Yes, No = No

First of all, shame on me for not updating for 2 weeks!

Second of all, thanks for the responses to my last post. I got a few via email. I think that overall, I learned to stop being lazy and just get gas when my tank is low. Very simple stuff, not deep at all.

But someone did make an interesting point that I've been learning about recently:

"Ok so maybe God is trynna tell you not to let Him be emptied out of you. It may be time to refill! Sometimes we sit around saying "oh I will just get gas later". That could be true about your spiritual life. I know sometimes I'm like "oh I will get in the word later, I will worship later. Then next thing you know I'm on empty, can't move, can't do anything. I try to start up again from where I was but it doesn't work. So... It may be time to refill!"

So that's not a new concept to me, but God has been convicting me about how I give my time and energy lately. I had gotten to the point where I would give my time out easily. Then I would be exhausted by Wednesday. That's ridiculous! Even more ridiculous is when you have to squeeze time in to pray and don't even enjoy some of the stuff that you're giving your energy to.

From that God has been teaching me 2 things:
1. Let your yes be yes and your no be no (Matthew 5:37, James 5:12). For me that means, if I know that I don't have the energy to babysit on Friday nights, just say NO. Sure I love kids and have fun hanging out w/ them. But I'm tired by Friday night. Friday night is Blockbuster night w/ some Chinese food in my room. Nobody will die if I can't watch the munchkins. AND, don't say yes w/o thinking and then want to change my mind later. Here's the roadmap for me:

Request is made --> I Stop --> I Think --> I Respond --> I'm doing things that I want to do

2. Be careful how you give away your time and energy. Since we don't earn time or get it in a paycheck every 2 weeks, we have to be careful about what we do w/ the borrowed time that we have. I get work, work, work, work, go, go, go, go, give, give, give, give all day long and think that I'll be fine. I have to STOP, HOOK UP TO A REFUELING SOURCE (prayer, sleep, meditation, worship, hanging out w/ friends, etc.) and get a REFILL. Thankfully, things like prayer and worship and meditation can be refreshing.

Now, I'm being careful about what I say yes to AND what my schedule looks like. For example: Friday nights are Blockbuster nights unless something more fun (but no exhausting) comes along. Saturday nights, I have to prep for Sunday, so no "work" after 5pm.

So yeah, not a lot of deep stuff, but so important. How can I give God my full attention in prayer and worship if I'm distracted by my busyness or the fact that I'm exhausted?

Hope this makes sense. Love ya!

On Empty

I ran out of gas last night at almost 1 in the morning. Thankfully, I wasn't by myself (yay for Tonee and Terri). Now, I'm trying to find some deep spiritual revelation in the whole thing. I was able to do it when I locked myself out of my apartment, but I'm having a little trouble with this one. If I know that God was trying to tell me something thru this situation it will mostly help me not be embarrassed...lol.

What is God trying to tell me about letting my car run out of gas? Any ideas? Two points and a prize for anyone who can give a good "revelation" AND relate it to worship somehow...

Funfetti Cake Makes People Crazy

I'm having a kinda crappy morning, so I thought I'd get on here and blog. Maybe that will get me back on track.

Yesterday I had an "A HA / God must think we're crazy" moment.

Since yesterday was Valentines Day, I made a cake and brought it to work. I put the cake out in our kitchen with a note next to it that said "Enjoy the funfetti cake. Remember: You Are Loved." I didn't put my name on the note because I didn't want to make a big deal about it. What I didn't expect was my co-workers make it a big deal. The only thing that would talk about ALL DAY was "who made the cake?" They went around asking everyone (actually, they never really asked me directly...lol). They even accused a few people of making it. At first it was kinda funny to me. But as the day went by, they got crazier and crazier. People were really frustrated that they didn't know. Then, about 5 people practically attacked this one poor lady because they were convinced that she made it (ironically, she was the only one who knew that I had made it). And it wasn't even in a friendly way. They were raising their voices. At that point, I finally told them it was me.

OMG - I couldn't believe that my coworkers pretty much lost their minds cuz they didn't know who made a cake and told them they were loved!

Then I realized that many of us do that all the time. God - where is my husband? Where is my new job? When am I going to buy a house/car? Will he ever ask me to marry him? Will she ever know that I'm alive? When will I get a promotion? When we don't get an answer in the time that we think it should come, we start to lose our minds. We end up doing stupid stuff to try to manufacture the answer or outcome that we want. Buy a new, revealing waredrobe to make him notice you...Go into debt that you'll never be able to get out of to buy a house or car you can't afford...Wear yourself out trying too hard to get that promotion...Yes, sometimes we have to be proactive to get what we want or feel we deserve. But sometimes we really don't have control over the situation and we just need to wait.

The lesson: Sometimes you won't get the answer. In some situations, you'll never know why. That is NO excuse to get stupid. Learn the difference between proactive and being desparate.

Remember, you really ARE loved. God loves us and doesn't want us to settle for manufactured blessings. He wants to do exceeding abundantly all that we can ask or think. But sometimes you just have to wait on him to see that promise fufilled.

Community Part 2

Hello,

I was going to post a few quick bullet point updates, but then I remembered that a few days ago I decided I need to do a Part 2 to the Community post (originally published in November or December).

In the past few months, I've become more immersed in my church community and God keeps speaking to me on the subject of the importance of a Christian community.

I'm a big fan of community for different reasons: opportunity to be around people who have the same foundational beliefs, ability to share your struggles in walking like Christ, corporate worship, ability to get/offer prayer when it's needed, and the list goes on.

Now I have a new reason to love community. ENCOURAGEMENT & AFFIRMATION. Someone said that 4 is the number of "creative vision" and I believe it. My church is in its 4th year of ministry and the air is thick w/ new ideas, new businesses, new songs, new friendships, new plays/skits, etc. There is so much talent around me that I can't believe it sometimes. But all that talent, all those gifts would go to waste if we didn't create an environment that encouraged people to share their ideas and gifts. Christian community should be able showing people how to hope, how to dream.

Personally, I've seen this play out w/ "This is Who I Am," with my worship leading, with my album that's in the works and with the encouragement I've received about leading the Spiritual Disciplines study at USC. Wow! I don't think I've ever been so affirmed, so encouraged, so challenged and pushed in my life to be what God has called me to be. You just won't find that outside of Christian community.

I LOVE HOPE's HOUSE! I hope you love your community too!

Of course, I understand that not everyone feels that way, so here are some pointers:

• Deal w/ any insecurities that you have (ask God to intervene). If you don't understand who you are in Christ and what He wants to do in your life, you might not ever do anything. Might not ever challenge yourself or try new things. Trust me!
• Find a Christian group that will encourage you, that you can learn from, that you can serve in. I'm not telling you to leave your church if you know you're supposed to be there! That's not my place. But I'm encouraging all to supplement what you already have w/ what you need.
• Try new things. Brainstorm new ideas and TELL SOMEONE ABOUT THEM. Accountability is a beautiful thing.
• Start asking your friends what they think your gifts are. What do they see in you?
• DREAM
• Don't let your fears/doubts/insecurities talk you out of things. As P. Chuck says: "If not you, then who? If not now, then when?"

Try it!

Out of the Box

I'm so chatty this week! So many posts lately.

Lots going on for me. New challenges at work. Disciplines Study at USC met for the first time this week. I ate fruits and veggies all week for this silly detox. Planning a trip to the Bay for next weekend. Slowly planning for this album. And, I'm leading worship on Sunday.

Pray for me if you read this before Sunday (I'm sure no one will) as I step out of my comfort zone and do a really upbeat, more gospel style song. I love the song and I've wanted to lead it for months, but I'll need to be a little less conservative in order to stay true to the integrity of the song and that makes me a little uneasy. Guess I'll be practicing in the mirror....lol...Of course, I'll give the update next week...