Disclaimer: With my most recent blog entries, I'm not intending to spread my business all over the World Wide Web. I'm not looking for sympathy or encouragement. But it does help me to write as an outlet. And maybe, just maybe, someone will read this and know that they are not alone.
-----
Yesterday, I had to shake my head and say, "My life is starting to sound like a joke."
Ever have one of those weeks?
Monday - lost your job
Tuesday - broke your tooth
Wednesday - $0 in the bank (and 4 bills due)
Thursday - got in a fight w/ your roommate
Friday - got food poisoning
Does it even matter what happened on Saturday and Sunday?
The repetition of...BAD...makes you want to say, "Really? Seriously?" And it might be a little funny (not haha funny, of course), if it weren't your life.
That's kinda how I feel. Not as bad as above, but definitely one negative circumstance after another. I looked up yesterday and I had a smashed finger, a boring staycation in front of me, still recovering from surgery, a few hopes dashed AND I'm a Bonnie Raitt song (among a list of other disasters)! I don't expect you to understand anything that I'm rambling about. But, I will say that if I had a better sense of humor, I might submit my story to FML.
I probably sound bitter, huh? I actually am not. I'm not angry at anyone. God and I are good. I'm not making plans to never love/trust/eat/leave my apartment again.
I also know that I'm not bitter because I'm still looking for a reason to hope. The best I can come up with is: It has to get better. I know it sounds vague, but it's all I have right now.
Here's the current prayer of my heart:
Dear God,
I don't understand your plan. I don't like what I see around me right now. I don't enjoy how I'm feeling. But I know you have a plan. So, I won't pray for anything specific right now because I can't bear to hear "no" and I don't believe that I have the clearest vision at the moment anyway. But I will pray that you will make it better, make life better. All I'm hoping for is better and I know you can do it.
In Jesus' name I pray,
Amen.
