Getting Back on Track

Ever wonder why smart people do stupid things?

Yesterday I realized that I had made the same mistake that I made 3 years ago.  I got excited about a situation that wasn't what I thought it was.  I had gotten ahead of myself, ahead of the situation.

I don't get very outwardly excited about much.  It's one of the things about me that annoys my friends.  I don't show anger or engage in heated arguments.  I don't get giddy and jump up and down when I'm excited.  People hate that about me.  I'm not a fan of it either.  Over the last year or so, I've been working on that and showing more enthusiasm when other people share things with me.  I never want my friends to feel like I can't celebrate with them.  But for my stuff?  Ha!  I know better than that.

I learned a long time ago not to be too happy about the possibility of something happening.  More often than not, it doesn't work out and you're disappointed.  Who knows how I learned that.  But I did.  Somehow that logic spread to things that actually do happen in my life.  Something inside me says, "Don't get excited about that, Dionna.  It's not going to last."  My last long-term relationship, my album, the list goes on.  I learned how to not engage emotionally w/ even some of the good things that go on in my life (got really good at it, actually).

So, how did I mess around and get excited about something that hasn't even happened to me yet?  Must have let my guard down a little.  I don't want to become one of those cynical people who are skeptical about everything.  But I will be careful from now on.  It's important to watch and observe for awhile before engaging emotionally.  It's a very simple rule.  I'm not saying anybody else should live like this.  But it's how I plan on guarding my heart for the time being.