Love

Note: Don't worry. This is not some sappy blog about romance.

I love God. I do. Everyday I learn more about what that means. But right now I know that every new thing I learn about Him, I love. I wouldn't want to live without Him in my life. Yes, I get frustrated and angry (shocking, I know) at Him sometimes. We all do, right? But I know that even when it's hard to talk to Him or when I don't feel worthy or when I'm frustrated, I still love Him.

That's the nature of agape love. Love that is unconditional. Love in spite of the circumstances.

I love my parents. Oh yes, they've made me angry and confused and sad and frustrated. But I love them. I understand that they are human and will make mistakes and I don't punish them for that. So I will always love them. Even the times I was most angry or annoyed at them (which I can't remember, of course), I still loved them.

True love does not go away when things get hard.

I love Candiss and Arlene. Both of them will tell you that my friendships w/ them have not always been sunshine and walks in the park. I've fought and cried with both of them. Neither of them are the same as me and I love that. They are so deeply embedded in my life that I couldn't stop loving them if I tried.

What am I getting at? A definition of love. What does it mean when I say, "I love you"? I'm learning that those 3 little words mean different things to different people, but there has to be some common thread, right?

I love you:
- I want what's best for you.
- I'd rather live w/ your flaws than live w/o you
- I enjoy being around you
- You make me smile and I like to make you smile
- I feel your joy and your pain when you feel them.
- I would die for you ("...darlin if you want me to..." - sorry...couldn't resist)
- I accept you as you are
- And I feel this way even when times are hard, when I'm angry at you and even when you've hurt me.

We don't always feel all of these things Day 1 in a friendship, romantic relationship, with our families or even with God. But, I believe that we can get there and surpass that definition. Yes, it takes time. Yes, your love for someone can grow over time. And, I believe that this is the love modelled for us by God - not romance novels and not the movies.

I love God. I love my parents. I love Candiss and Arlene. The list goes on.

And I believe that my husband will love me like this one day (and then some). Why not? I'm worth it. I'm not crazy for wanting this. Who just wants philios or eros? They're awesome. But if you add agape to those, you've got the recipe for AWESOMAZING!

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails...And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

What are your thoughts? What's your definition of "I love you"?

Another List (and stuff)

Things I'm Learning About Myself & Stuff

(I think adding "and stuff" to any sentence displays a level of sophistication and class...lol...maybe a low level)

2009 is under way and I'm already feeling in need of a vaca [I've started shortening everything...try it! It's fun!]. Maybe I just feel like that cuz [and I don't speak proper English anymore] I've been sick for most of the new year. Don't worry, just had a cold. But I wasn't resting enough, so I've felt run down and tired a lot. I will fix that this weekend by sleeping & lounging around as much as possible.

Anyways, despite the fact that I've been under the weather and an all-around unexciting person this past week or so, I've been learning and experiencing some things. So, in the spirit of updating this blog more often and just cuz I want to, I will share.

1. I can be assertive! I've been accused of being on the more passive side and, while I just call it extremely low maintainence, I've been trying to work on that. I think my problem in confronting certain issues has been that I didn't know how to assert myself w/o being mean (read the "Jerk" blogs of early 2008). But this week, I was able to address an issue w/o being an awful person. Someone was asking me to do something and I needed to think about the answer before I responded to her via email. But she kept following up w/ me everyday asking "Did you get my email? What do you say?". That was starting to bother me (the same person had done it to me before) and making me not want to answer at all. So I confronted her and I wasn't evil. I was honest and direct. I'm learning that I can be assertive w/o being agressive. Yay for growth!

2. This patience thing isn't too bad...sometimes. Actually, I've learned over the past couple months (in a couple of areas) that patience can be a strategy. For example, when you're buying a car, it's not a good idea to buy the 1st car you see at the 1st lot you go to. And even after a dealer quotes a price, if you're patient, sometimes they will lower it. Try patience as a strategy (please use wisdom w/ this) and see that sometimes it can be fun.

[Warning: Your bills will not go away by you being patient and not paying them. Don't be silly!]

3. I can save gas by not going to work once a week. I'm being funny...kinda...But I'm really not. I filled up my tank on Monday night. I called in sick on Tuesday (I really was sick) & only drove to the grocery store around the corner from my house. On Wednesday, I went to work & came home only. On Thursday, I went to work & went home. Now, it's Friday and I drove to work this morning. Normally, I would have about half a tank of gas left or less. But I've only used 1/4 of a tank this week. What? How is that possible? [maybe no midweek service & riding to the music ministry meeting w/ Terri had something to do w/ it, but we'll pretend it doesn't] My only conclusion can be that missing work on Tuesday was not only good for my health (and the health of my coworkers), it was also good for my gas tank and my bank account. Health, gas tank and bank account - a great 3-part harmony. Test that theory out sometime and see. Maybe, if enough of us do it, they (the powers that be...under God) will shorten the work week to 4 days in this recession.

I know, I'm crazy. But you love me anyway!