Tired

I feel like my life was taking apart this weekend, pieces were used, and then not put back together again properly.

I feel like the weekend took more out of me than it gave back.

In other words, I'm tired.

I blame the heat, the roller coaster of emotions, church, heavy food and the HEAT!

Just needed to express that....

These steps you do not walk alone

A few weeks ago, I went to Solvang, CA with a friend of mine. There is a mission in Solvang, the Santa Inez Mission, and we decided to check it out. One section of the mission is an enclosed pathway with crosses on either side, each with a depiction of a portion of Jesus' journey to the cross, His death, His burial and His resurrection. There was a gate at the start of the path with a plaque that said the following:

"These 14 steps you are now about to walk
you do not walk alone.
I walk with you.
My way of the cross 2000 years ago
and your "way" now are also one."

Wow...I was almost moved to tears.

As I walked down the path looking at the story of Jesus' death, I couldn't help but think about my own current struggles and circumstances - not to compare them, but because they are as real as Jesus' journey.

My problems didn't go away on that path. My pain did not go away. I was still sad about my situation and wished/hoped/prayed for something to change. But I was comforted by 1 thing: I wasn't alone. Jesus' journey to the cross was for me. So that I can now have a relationship with Him. So that I don't have to go through my problems, successes, triumphs and fears alone.

Realizing this as I walked the path of history thru His journey to the cross, His death, His burial and His resurrection brought me closer to Him.

Afterwards, I sat on a bench (knowing He was right there with me) and I cried.

Out of Eden

Okay, so they don't actually record anymore, but Out of Eden is awesome! 3 sisters from Tennessee. You can practically watch them grow up by listening to the albums.

If you're looking for a new (to you) Christian group to get into, check them out. My favorite OOE albums are No Turning Back and Hymns. I've been listening to them since I was a preteen.

Check them out:

Tuesday

Tuesday night seems to be errand night in my building. This Tuesday, I dub myself Queen of the Night. I picked up my dry cleaning, got my hair done, washed clothes and went to Target and got a wedding gift (among other things cuz you always get more than you planned for at Target).

Despite the title, I'm not 100% committed to my Tuesday night destiny.

Even though it didn't last long enough to become a tradition, I still think of Tuesday night as Date Night and I'm still getting used to the shift.

Gotta be a Joke.....right?

Disclaimer: With my most recent blog entries, I'm not intending to spread my business all over the World Wide Web. I'm not looking for sympathy or encouragement. But it does help me to write as an outlet. And maybe, just maybe, someone will read this and know that they are not alone.

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Yesterday, I had to shake my head and say, "My life is starting to sound like a joke."

Ever have one of those weeks?

Monday - lost your job
Tuesday - broke your tooth
Wednesday - $0 in the bank (and 4 bills due)
Thursday - got in a fight w/ your roommate
Friday - got food poisoning

Does it even matter what happened on Saturday and Sunday?

The repetition of...BAD...makes you want to say, "Really? Seriously?" And it might be a little funny (not haha funny, of course), if it weren't your life.

That's kinda how I feel. Not as bad as above, but definitely one negative circumstance after another. I looked up yesterday and I had a smashed finger, a boring staycation in front of me, still recovering from surgery, a few hopes dashed AND I'm a Bonnie Raitt song (among a list of other disasters)! I don't expect you to understand anything that I'm rambling about. But, I will say that if I had a better sense of humor, I might submit my story to FML.

I probably sound bitter, huh? I actually am not. I'm not angry at anyone. God and I are good. I'm not making plans to never love/trust/eat/leave my apartment again.

I also know that I'm not bitter because I'm still looking for a reason to hope. The best I can come up with is: It has to get better. I know it sounds vague, but it's all I have right now.

Here's the current prayer of my heart:

Dear God,

I don't understand your plan. I don't like what I see around me right now. I don't enjoy how I'm feeling. But I know you have a plan. So, I won't pray for anything specific right now because I can't bear to hear "no" and I don't believe that I have the clearest vision at the moment anyway. But I will pray that you will make it better, make life better. All I'm hoping for is better and I know you can do it.

In Jesus' name I pray,

Amen.

Syncing Up

Ever feel like you and God just aren't on the same page? I do.

I keep asking Him for things and He keeps giving me other things. I'm like, "No, I didn't ask for that." In some cases, He's given me the opposite of what I asked for. Makes you wonder, "Does He really hear me?"

Please don't feel sorry for me. I can do that all by myself...lol...and I do sometimes.

I just wonder, when are we going to sync up (like your iPod w/ your computer)? I understand that He has a plan for me. I know that He loves me more than I'll ever understand. I know He knows what's best and He has a better perspective than I do. But I'm afraid that I'll get to a point where I'll stop asking for things because I'm afraid of what will happen. Who wants to get there? Then, the Bible says, "You have not because you ask not." Well, I'm asking and I still don't have.

I've been a Christian for a long time and this one still stumps me.

Just some thoughts.