Wave Goodbye to 2008...Say Hello to 2009

I ought to be ashamed of myself for not posting in so long. Bad Dionna!

Okay, I'm over it now.

2009 is upon us. I looked back at the plans that I made for 2008 (I don't call them "resolutions," I call them plans) and some I accomplished, others I made some headway on and still others I totally blew.

So now, as I look to 2009, I'm going to carry over some plans from 2008. I'm also going to have a few BIG new plans for 2009. I won't bore you with all the details, but I will share some.

1. I WILL finish Encounter at the Well in 2009. I think it's important for me to share the music that God has put inside of me. I don't plan on going after a record deal or anything (I'm not that good). But I do think it's important to share the music. I will finish in 2009 also because this just needs to get done. I need to finish it and move on.

2. I will grow in patience in 2009. 2008 has been all about not rushing the process and learning patience. OMG! As I look back now I had to be patient in waiting for a boyfriend, getting a car, growing in my career. I won't even mention all of the things I'm still waiting on. Over and over, I had to keep hearing "don't rush the process", "respect the process", "be patient." UHG! Lame. A couple of months ago, I had to start telling myself that I'm not a Process Rusher. That is NOT my name (just like Jerk is not my name) and I will NOT wear that badge anymore.

3. I will grow in my understanding of my calling as a worshipper and a worship leader in 2009. The past few months have been a rollercoaster of emotions and opinions about who I am as a worship leader. To share a little, the first half of 2008, I experienced tremendous growth in the area of worship leading. It seemed that my style of leadership, my voice and my songs were needed in worship. Then something happened and I began to...well...suck, to be honest. What the heck happened? I understand some of it and other parts confuse me, but I know that God wants me to be a worship leader.

So I was frustrated. I wanted to grow and learn and I knew I had a lot of room for growth in my spiritual preparation for worship. And people kept saying that I needed to get out of my comfort zone, push myself. That's good advice. At the same time, my name is not Darnell or Terri or Tonee or Jessica. I will never sound, look or lead worship like them. Yes, I need to be able to exhort if necessary, but I will NEVER mimic them completely and try to get their results.

So the conclusion is that maybe God doesn't want to use my particular gifts to lead worship in front of HOPE's House in this season. As a matter of fact, I'm taking on a new role as the Worship Leader for Children's Ministry. That's really exciting. I'll get to be able to teach kids about what worship is (and is not) and show them how to do it. Enough about that for now, though.

4. I will try new things in 2009. Here are a few of my ideas:
- Join a hiking club (I like hiking and I've never done much of it. Why not?)
- Explore Ventura Blvd on the weekends. Check out all of the shops and restaurants.
- Save up $$$ to take a trip. I think I want to do this every year from now on and go someplace new every year.

The way things are looking, 2009 will be another busy year. I better stop now so that my excitement doesn't start to turn into stress...lol. Happy New Year!

Turn Off the Noise

I wrote this back in early December or late November and never posted it. So here ya go!

It's crazy how you can hate being busy AND hate doing nothing.

This summer was probably the craziest summer of my life. I was working on an album, coordinating a wedding, maid of honor in another wedding, starting a new relationship, babysitting every week, took a vacation to NY AND working and doing ministry stuff. Every week I stopped and said, "what the heck was I thinking"? I couldn't wait for it to be over (not that I didn't have fun - I had plenty of that) and for life to just be calm again.

Now, life is quite calm (partly due to the fact that I don't have a car) and I'm itching to be busy again.

Funny thing is that when life is slow, you can hear God a lot clearer. And let me tell you, He is speaking. I mean, I can ask Him something and immediately hear His answer and be sure that's Him. CRAZY!

I'm learning that all the busyness, all the distractions, the running from here to there - those are all NOISE. Sometimes we can't hear God because of the all the noise that's around us. Wake up. Rush around getting ready. Go to work. Run to church/meeting/rehearsal/outing w/ friends. Go home. Get ready for bed. Go to sleep.

When is God supposed to speak in the middle of all that? Oh some of us are spiritual and we have a regular quiet time every day - yeah, 10, 15, 20 minutes! Say a prayer, journal, read a scripture or 2 and move on. That's not a lot of time to get a word from God, digest it (cuz sometimes it just don't make sense....yes, grammar...I know) and decide how to apply it to your life.



So here's what I'm learning:

(Disclaimer: I don't claim to be perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I'm just telling you what my experience has been)



1. Although, I'm not a fan of the bus at all, I find that I'm able to look around, observe the people and the world around me, listen to music (actually, listen to the words of songs instead of just mindlessly singing along). Sometimes God speaks to me through that observing.



2. I spend more time at home these days (if I'm not at work, at church, w/ Mark or w/ friends - trust me - I'm spending more time at home). If I turn off my Friends dvd and light a couple candles and just sit, He's happy to join me. He never disappoints. Even if He's not speaking to me in words, I can still read His Word or write a song inspired by Him or take inventory of all that He's done that day or week or hour. In any case, it's quality time and God loves it.

Enjoy!

Reasons I Need to Stop Riding the Bus/Train

Hey All,

This has nothing to do w/ worship or my purpose or vision at all. I just wanted to give a kinda fun update. So, some of you may know, I've been taking the bus/train recently because I was in a car accident a few weeks ago. I hadn't taken public transportation in LA since my 1st couple of years in college and never in the Valley, so this has been a learning experience.

Bottom line, I'm not a fan of public transportation & I thought I'd share some reasons:

REASONS I NEED TO STOP RIDING THE BUS/TRAIN:

• Weird schedules - I'm either late to everything or super early.
• The man practicing his martial arts skills on the pole scares me.
• The air conditioning is ALWAYS blasting. Am I the only person who has to bring extra clothes just to ride the bus?
• It costs $1.25 each way, but it's on the honor system (on the Orange Line & train). So nobody checks to make sure you bought a ticket (except for those poor cops from the LA County Sheriff's Dept who get stuck w/ ticket duty once every few weeks). It's like 4 integrity checks each day (because I buy 4 tickets a day).
• No personal space (especially in the evenings). People are crammed in like farm animals. I'm really just not a fan of strangers touching me.
• GERMS - Too many people coughing, sneezing, blowing their nose, etc. Now imagine hundreds of germy people going in and out of the buses/trains everyday and touching stuff. EWW GROSS!
• Running to catch a bus or train and then feeling stupid when you're too late anyway. Plus I'm all kinds of out of shape, so there's the shortness of breath to endure.
• Weird smells - Need I say more?

Freedom

Time for another post!

On Sunday, I went to an Amel Larrieux concert. If you don't know her, look her up. But chances are, you've probably heard some of her songs before ("For Real," on the radio now, or "Tell Me," from back in the 90s when she was the lead singer of Groove Theory).

Now, this woman is not a Christian artist. She's actually not a Christian at all, but I think I learned something about worship from her (go figure!).

So, one of the things that stood out to me about her is that she's willing to let go of the normal structure of the song (verse, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge, chorus) and just flow with how she's feeling. The first time she deviated from the song and started scatting and doing runs and adlibbing, I was blown away. Every other time I was in awe.

I wish I had the kind of freedom that Amel has when I'm leading worship. Because of the structured type of person that I am, I really have to be careful not to get too hung up on:

• The order of the songs
• My hand & verbal signals to the band, vocalists and congregation
• Looking at the clock (to see how long worship has gone on)
• Am I moving around too much? Not enough?
• Feeding the congregation the words to a new song. Hopefully, I get the words right!

Don't get me started. I can go on and on. There are so many things that a "skilled" worship leader needs to take into account. But if you plan for everything, you can miss out on the plan that God has. I get that! So I'm careful not to plan too much and am constantly asking God what's next. Sometimes that's the same thing that I originally thought and sometimes it's different altogether.

I get all that. My problem is that I'm reserved. I always have been. I was shy when I was younger that has developped into this reserved thing about me. I do not run around the church. I do not do fancy runs (I probably can't do them anyways). I do not dance in church unless it's a simple 2-step or a special rock w/ the congregation. I wish I could break out in "I Believe I Can Fly" or "No Air" during a worship set, but I don't think I could do it.

Unfortunately, that might hold back what God is trying to do in the people during worship. Maybe singing "No Air" would have opened someone's mind to the truth of who God is that day. I don't know. But my prayer is that I will be willing to step into my calling with no restraints. If where the Spirit of the Lord is, there really IS freedom, then God hook me up really tight w/ your Spirit when I lead worship and cover me in freedom.

How to End a Song in Church

Okay, I know only a few of you will actually get what I'm talking about here, but have you ever noticed how worship leaders and "gospel" soloists end songs?

Example:

Singers/Congregation: "We worship you...Hallelujah, Hallelujah...We worship you for who you are...And you are good!"

Worship Leader: "Hallelujah!"

Why must we end the song by automatically saying "hallelujah"? Do they teach that in Worship Leading & Mainstream "Gospel" Music 101?

I'm asking because I've been noticing it lately - in other people AND in myself.

Singers/Congregation: "How great is our God...How great is our God...How great, how great is our God."

Me: "Hallelujah"

LOL...Okay, so part of me sees why we do this. We immediately want to give God praise (continue to give Him praise) even after the song is over and "hallelujah" is a great and powerful praise. That makes sense to me AND it's a step up from everyone just clapping on cue after the song is over. [Sidebar: I must say that it is refreshing to me that I'm in ministry w/ Tonee who tells us not to clap sometimes when a song ends, but to open our mouths to give God praise]. BUT, I'm willing to bet that even some of those "hallelujahs" that worship leaders and soloists (including me) put out there are insincere. I'm not saying that we're always insincere (I know I'm genuine about it most of the time). I'm just saying that we should be careful lest it turn into just a meaningless word that we just say cuz that's what we hear other people say.

No condemnation!!!!! Right now, it's actually kinda funny to me. But definitely something we should watch out for.

There are lots of those things, huh?

Do You Know What Worship Music Is?

Mark sent me a link the other day to the comment that is below. Basically a Crystal Lewis fan was asking if she would record a worship album and this was her response:

"I know 'worship' music has become very popular, and I enjoy singing so many of the new songs at my church during our music/worship/response time. And while I love many of those songs, and older songs too, I've always considered my records to be 'worship' records. At least they are for me."

So this got me thinking: Have we as a church categorized "worship" music to mean 1 thing? Do we only see "worship" music as the "simpler music we sing on Sundays that a lot of people can sing together"? If so, then we're SO wrong AND in dangerous territory. Crystal is right - her music, Switchfoot's music, Jaci Velasquez's music, and Jars of Clay's music is just as much worship music as the songs we sing on Sunday - old and new.

Who says that songs like "You Are Good," "I Command My Soul," "Here I Am to Worship," and "He is Exalted" get to define what "worship" music is?

To worship is to honor, to pay homage, to adore. If Crystal is using her music to express her adoration for God, then it is worship music. On the flip side, if Random Artist sings a song that really isn't out of his love for God, but more out of love of getting money, even if the song is "inspirational," that doesn't make it worship.

I don't think anyone would disagree w/ me on that. So I'll take it one step further: I think that we (Christians) have gone too far in categorizing music. Gospel, CCM, Worship, CCR (contemporary christian rock), Inspirational, Black music, White music.

Because we put labels on EVERYTHING, the labels start to define the thing. For example: Gospel music has come to mean "black music." Let me just say that Black man singing about Jesus does not equal "gospel" music. In fact, if "the gospel" means "the good news," (about Jesus) then a lot of what we've labeled "gospel music" isn't truly gospel. Can anyone say "sounding brass and clanging cymbals?"

And what the heck do "Black Music" and "White Music" mean?!!! Or if I sing "Inspirational" music (example: I believe I Can Fly), does that mean I'm straddling the fence or something?

I know. The Saints are going to have a fit if they get ahold of this. But I just think that it's time we start being careful what we say, careful what we label and careful WHO we label. It could do more damage than good.

That's all I'm sayin...What do you think? Am I crazy?

What Am I Up To?

Hey All,

A few new things going on in my life. Well, 2 big ones to be exact.

1. I'm in a relationship now!!! YAY! I won't give too many details cuz this is the internet and it's none of your business really (lol), but his name is Mark, I met him at church and we are doing just great (since July 11th or 12th, depending on which one of us you ask). That's all I'm saying on my boo status.

2. I'm working on an album. I know that I've been hinting at this for awhile, but I'm actually doing it. I've been in the studio all summer and Encounter at the Well is coming along. I will release the cd later this year with a worship concert. In the meantime, you can learn more about the status of the album as well as donate by going to the album's blogsite. There are pictures as well as a video and more info about what I'm doing and the vision for my ministry.

Doing this album has been a difficult experience for several reasons:
1. I've never done this before and I'm learning as I go.
2. I fully intend to pay for studio time, band, backup vocalists, cd duplication, mixing & mastering. That stuff is costly.
3. In order to put out a quality cd, you need to spend enough time in the studio recording and producing and fixing things and directing the background vocalists and the list goes on and on. I'm still working full time and have several other commitments (not to mention this is the craziest summer ever for me w/ 2 weddings, a new boyfriend, a church choir concert to prep for, a trip to NY, etc.)

On the other hand, it's been rewarding for several reasons:
1. Several friends from church have pitched in their time, expertise and talents. People are actually really excited about this project, which helps keep me going.
2. My music is starting to get heard and respected. I'll be singing one of my songs at the H.O.P.E.'s House concert coming up soon.
3. I'm learning my stregnths and limitations. I didn't think I could do this, but w/ a LOT of help from Jesus and friends, things are coming together.

What do I need? Prayer and money. Take your pick or choose both. I've set up a Paypal donation link on the album's blogsite if you want to give any amount.

New York, New York - The City of Dreams

(Me @ Central Park)

Here are pictures of New York. I had a lot of fun. But there are too many people and it's too expensive for my taste. Lots of interesting things to see and hear, though. I WISH I could tell all of the subway stories.

Rockefeller Center

Left: I LOVE the brick buildings in NY / Right: Me on the Big Piano @ FAO Schwartz

Me w/ my funnel cake at Coney Island. Coney Island is pretty ghetto, by the way. Not what I was expecting.

Subway Performances: We saw LOTS of those. People are just SO willing to share their gifts w/ subway riders....and get money for it, of course. I was serenaded by a flute player, bucket drummers, singers, and even an accordian player.

Statue of Liberty: Probably the coolest statue I've ever paid to see.

The Big Apple

I'm in New York on vacation right now, so this won't be long.  But I had a little time, so I thought I'd drop a quick update and say "hi."

I've been in NY since Sunday (for about 4 days) and I've seen a bunch of stuff - Statue of Liberty, Rockefeller Center (including 30 Rock), Times Square, SoHo, Chinatown, Little Italy, Harlem, Coney Island, the Financial District (including the bull - same bull statue they show in "Hitch") and walked on the Brooklyn Bridge.  I've ridden the subway and taken the bus all over the place, but I've also done A LOT of walking.  My legs are so sore it's not even funny.  I'm going to need a massage when I get back.  However, the upside to that is I can eat whatever I want because I'm walking it off everyday.  LOVELY!

I get back on Sunday night, so I'll upload pictures as soon as I can.

Next Update:  Album status, new blog site for the album and ways you can contribute.

Captivating

This post is primarily for the ladies, but men can learn from it too:

As I watched the little girl twirling in her summer dress in front of the church yesterday, I saw something in real life that I'd been reading about in "Captivating" (by Stasi Etheridge) - that all little girls want to be seen and thought of as pretty.

Ladies - I definitely recommend this book, although, I think I'm the last one to read it.

"Captivating" tells us about who God created us to be as women. So far, I've taken 3 major lessons out of the book:

1. Woman was the last thing God created and each creation He spoke into existence was (arguably) more beautiful and complex than the one before. Each part of creation had a specific purpose, but God got more detailed with each succeeding creation. Again, woman was the last thing created. That says A LOT about our complex nature.

2. Woman was created because God saw that is wasn't good for man to be alone. That should give us a BIG clue about our purpose as women. It should tell us that our purpose is to reflect God's heart for relationship. That's why women are seen as more relationship-oriented and men more task-oriented. Women are here to remind that world that God loves relationships, the ultimate relationship being our relationship with Him.

3. Satan really hates women. Why? Well, Lucifer was beautiful and full of himself (Eze 28) and because of his inability to humble himself to God, He was kicked out of heaven. He hates women because we reflect God's beauty. He also hates us because He's all about death and women give life. So, Satan has pretty much been out to get us from the beginning (notice who he approached in the garden) trying to mess w/ our heads about our identity, causing us to doubt our beauty, etc. I'm sure I'm not making this sound as eloquent as the book, but that's the gist of it.


So what does this have to do w/ worship?

I think I've said this before, but an important part of worship is understanding and recognizing who God really is (how can you love and praise something you know nothing about?). As we get closer to Him in worship, we begin to see more of who He is. As we see and acknowlege more of who He is, we begin to understand more of who WE are.

So in recognizing who God created me to be as a woman, I am learning more about Him. That will deepen my worship.

Random Thoughts

A few things to ponder or try out:

• If hope deferred makes the heart sick (Prov. 13:12), then would hope that is killed permanently damage the heart?
• I wonder how close people have come to knowing the mysteries of God and the spiritual realm. Have you ever been trying to figure out a complicated spiritual matter and came up w/ some theories, but kinda gave up because you couldn't come to a conclusion? I wonder how close we've actually come "solving the mystery" of what God was doing or why something happened at this time, etc.
• Think I mentioned this in my last post, but check out Tommy Walker's "Do it Lord" and "When I Don't Know What to Do." They are great songs.

Okay, I'm done.

As an update, I'm crazy busy right now. Things should slow down a little after this weekend, but I still have a lot on my plate this summer. I don't want to give anything away prematurely, but I think we might see my vision of bridging the gap become more public by the end of the year. Yep, yep...things are moving....

Cure for the Short Term Blues

Hi,

Ever just have one of those days where you're kinda down, unmotivated and not feeling very chipper? You know it's not a deep depression or spiritual low valley. Maybe you feel a little under the weather and not ready to face the world. You know these blues are temporary and you'll probably feel fine tomorrow. But today is just not your day.

So I feel like that from time to time and I have a cure. Here's what you do:

1. Find an outfit that you love and you know you look good in it (make sure it's appropriate for your plans for the day - work, church, the grocery store, etc.).

2. Put that outfit on and accessorize. Prettify your hair too. (Guys: you can just make sure your hair is presentable I guess)

3. Admire yourself in the mirror

At this point, you should already start to feel a little better. You know you look good!

Here's the best part:

4. Go out into the world and show your AWESOME looking self off. Go to work, to church, the grocery store, out w/ friends, to a movie, on a walk around your neighborhood. Yes, today you want people to look at you and admire. And don't act like you're too saved or too cool to care about what others think. Compliments (aka affirmation) and appreciative looks make us all feel good on the right day (or everyday).

5. Accept the compliments gracefully. Remember, nobody likes a cocky, arrogant person.

Okay. So now you're feeling pretty amazing and you might be wondering why you had the blues in the first place. You can either stop here and soak up your exterior awesomeness (not sure what you're inward parts look like) OR you can go for the clincher. Brace yourself cuz this might sound crazy...

6. Find a place that is private and where you feel comfortable. Get out your digital camera. Set up a place for you to pose. And have a photo shoot. I'm not kidding. You might want to remember the day that you looked great so that you know it's possible again.

Yes, I do this sometimes and I promise it helps. Don't believe me?

And these aren't even the best ones I have...

Hey! Don't knock it till you try it!

Happy Friday!

Music to check out: Tommy Walker - "Do it Lord" and "When I Don't Know What to Do." Awesome songs. Check them out.

Update

Hi World,

Nothing super interesting or deep to report.

Still working on that jerk thing. Not easy. Might take awhile.

Life is great, though : ) I'm getting my act together in lots of ways. Yay for growth and change!

Lesson of the Month: Don't rush the process. It might be uncomfortable, painful or just annoying, but don't rush it. Not easy for me cuz I'm the president of the Process Rushers club, but I'm learning. Maybe May is going to be all about learning.

Are You A Jerk?

Jerk: someone who regularly gives sarcastic remarks (either under their breath or out loud), makes jokes (even if not overtly evil) at the expense of others, or someone whose words are used to belittle or embarrass another person.

That's the definition of a jerk in the community that I live in. And I must admit that I am a jerk. I use sarcasm like a 2nd language and I'm not sarcastic in a cute, funny way. When I am sarcastic w/ adults, it often walks a fine like between hurtful and funny. And if someone laughs, it's usually not the person the comment is directed at. No, I am not an evil person. I love my friends. I enjoy being around people. I don't walk around w/ the intention to hurt others. Still, there are times when my jerk status is undeniable.

God has been dealing w/ me about this so I've been thinking about it a lot and I'm still trying to work things out in my head, but I would like to share some of the things that I've been learning:

1. I've found that there are at least 2 reasons why someone is a jerk: a) They are bitter about life or a situation or b) On some level, they want to make others feel inadequate or look bad in front of others.

I don't think that A applies to me, so I'm going to talk a little about B. I know it seems harsh, but I couldn't come up w/ any other way to say it. Let's face it, we all belittle others at some point in our lives. The car in front of us on the freeway is driving too slow. We switch lanes, get alongside the car and give the driver "the look" before getting in front of him/her. We give the waiter/waitress a horribly low tip to make sure they know that they did a bad job serving you that night. We give a friend the cold shoulder until they apologize. In all of these situations we are screaming "YOU DID SOMETHING THAT I THOUGHT WAS WRONG AND YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT IT."

Now, I don't think that you shouldn't say something if you were hurt by someone you care about. But the situations I describe above are not good examples of showing love to others.

Let's bring in sarcasm. You are at an event for your church on a Friday night and the event planners have provided food for the people who show up. One of the participants complains that “There isn’t any fruit!” or “Why did they get this chicken? Albertson’s is better than this!”

Response 1: Welcome to a free event w/ free food! It’s customary to not complain if you aren’t paying for it.

Response 2: I’m just happy that it’s free.

You can imagine the tone of each response. Response 1 was sarcastic and didn’t show love, just chastisement, and Response 2 was subtle and calm. I think both responses drive the point across, but #2 was less “jerkful.” There is possibly a better response that isn’t rude, but I think you get the point that that Response 1 was sarcastic AND delivered w/ the intent to “put someone in their place.”

2. The tone we use is often more important than what we say. People often hear our tone before hearing the words we’re saying. So if you sound like you’re being a jerk (even if that’s not your intention), you still have a problem. Recognize it and work on it.

3. Unfortunately, people who don’t know you well are quicker to remember the times when you were a jerk. “Once a jerk, always a jerk” in their eyes. That makes it harder for them to receive when you are showing love or being truthful.

That sucks for me because I’m sure that there are people walking around who really think I’m a mean person and don’t want to get close to me because their experiences w/ me haven’t always involved me showing love to them.

No, I am not saying that you can’t tell sarcastic jokes or make side comments every now and then. What I am saying is that your context is important. Be aware of who is around you, who can hear you. ALSO, don’t assume that everyone is okay w/ sarcasm. Some people just don’t communicate like that. Sure, I can be a jerk to Tonee and Minah once in awhile. They know me well enough to know that I’m not trying to be hurtful and I really do love them. However, not everyone is cool w/ that, so I have to do better.

Jamfest Recap

Hello!

Now, that life has calmed down a bit (whatever that means), I'm going to give a update on how Jamfest went.

Let me just say, "OH MY LORD!" What a crazy experience. The whole process was just a lot of fun and a great learning experience. I don't even know where to start:

The Look:
So I got professionally styled for Jamfest. No joke! My stylists took me shopping, picked my hairstyle, and came backstage on the night of to do my makeup and dress me. It was quite a production and people kept saying they could hardly recognize me. Of course, that just means that I look "frumpy" every other day of my life. But Mirta and Quita set the standard pretty high for my "look" going forward. Now, EVERYBODY is putting their 2 cents in about how I could look really good if I applied myself. Okay, I'm exaggerating a little bit, but I've definitely had to have more conversations than I'm comfortable w/ lately about how I dress and do my hair.

It was so ridiculous that on Saturday night, I was kinda tense about choosing what to wear for church the next day. "What will people say about this?" "Should I wear my hair like this?" Of course, I happened to be leading on Sunday so everyone was going to see me. Then, I realized that I didn't care anymore. It didn't matter what I wore because it's not about me. And I was ready to give anyone who made a comment about my outfit the "It's Not About Me" lecture, but , thankfully, nobody bothered me.

Enough w/ the tirade....

The Stage:
When Kenny called my name and I stepped on stage, people were standing and cheering, the Praise Team was jumping and cheering too. I had to just stand there smiling until they got quiet. But what an awesome feeling! I felt so much love and support! I LOVE my friends, family and church community. I had been praying before going on stage that this would feel like leading on a Sunday (only, in high heels) and it really did. I felt pretty comfortable up on that stage (until my feet start to hurt).

Afterwards:
I was definitely on the Jamfest cloud for a good 2 days after the event. I was invited to sing "This is Who I Am" at an event in June. People kept asking me when the album is coming out (the answer to that is "soon" - we have a lot of work to do). I could fill up a wall w/ all of the encouraging emails (I will never delete those, by the way).

But I forced myself to get down off the cloud. I was up to lead on Sunday and I didn't want to be performing or showing off in any way.

But, yeah, Jamfest was awesome! I feel so honored to have been asked to minister. I can't wait to see what God has in store!

Jamfest

Shame on me! It's been almost a month since I last updated this blog. I've been busy and I really haven't had much to say, but I think I'd better update this thing w/ a general life update.

So life has been very full lately. There's always something going on. The biggest thing lately has been Jamfest. A couple of months ago, I was asked to be a guest artist at Jamfest, a concert that's held at CSUN that my church/college ministry is responsible for putting on every year. Wow! What an honor. I didn't even know how to respond. I said yes, of course. Jamfest is finally here this week on Wednesday night and I will be an artist along w/ Da Truth (a Christian rapper) and T.C. Bereal (gospel recording artist). I'll be singing 2 songs including "This is Who I Am." Tonee has made a beautiful arrangement that I can't wait to minister on stage. I think the theme of the song is timely.

Practicing and prepping w/ the Praise Team for Wednesday has been great. I'm having so much fun and they've really given me the freedom to do what I want in terms of the arrangement for the 2nd song I'm doing. I've also been in prayer about Jamfest and asking God to prepare me. I felt okay about the preparation up until yestererday. I've kept a pretty clear head about the event - low insecurity level, having fun, not getting cocky. But I didn't quite feel prepared yet. I felt like God needed to do one more shift, but I didn't know what that was. Yesterday, He did it. I basically needed to be broken before Him and vulnerable so that I can minister on Wednesday night. After worship yesterday, I feel sufficiently broken, but also ready to go.

There's so much more I could say about the love and support I've felt during this time of preparation. I could even go on and on about the people who are dressing/styling me for the occcasion (OMG...I wish I could get professionally styled everyday). I could talk about my parents, grandma, family, coworker and friends who are coming to support.....BUT I won't.

Have a good day!

Preview of next update: Sarcasm....love....being a jerk is not always cool or funny.

Yes = Yes, No = No

First of all, shame on me for not updating for 2 weeks!

Second of all, thanks for the responses to my last post. I got a few via email. I think that overall, I learned to stop being lazy and just get gas when my tank is low. Very simple stuff, not deep at all.

But someone did make an interesting point that I've been learning about recently:

"Ok so maybe God is trynna tell you not to let Him be emptied out of you. It may be time to refill! Sometimes we sit around saying "oh I will just get gas later". That could be true about your spiritual life. I know sometimes I'm like "oh I will get in the word later, I will worship later. Then next thing you know I'm on empty, can't move, can't do anything. I try to start up again from where I was but it doesn't work. So... It may be time to refill!"

So that's not a new concept to me, but God has been convicting me about how I give my time and energy lately. I had gotten to the point where I would give my time out easily. Then I would be exhausted by Wednesday. That's ridiculous! Even more ridiculous is when you have to squeeze time in to pray and don't even enjoy some of the stuff that you're giving your energy to.

From that God has been teaching me 2 things:
1. Let your yes be yes and your no be no (Matthew 5:37, James 5:12). For me that means, if I know that I don't have the energy to babysit on Friday nights, just say NO. Sure I love kids and have fun hanging out w/ them. But I'm tired by Friday night. Friday night is Blockbuster night w/ some Chinese food in my room. Nobody will die if I can't watch the munchkins. AND, don't say yes w/o thinking and then want to change my mind later. Here's the roadmap for me:

Request is made --> I Stop --> I Think --> I Respond --> I'm doing things that I want to do

2. Be careful how you give away your time and energy. Since we don't earn time or get it in a paycheck every 2 weeks, we have to be careful about what we do w/ the borrowed time that we have. I get work, work, work, work, go, go, go, go, give, give, give, give all day long and think that I'll be fine. I have to STOP, HOOK UP TO A REFUELING SOURCE (prayer, sleep, meditation, worship, hanging out w/ friends, etc.) and get a REFILL. Thankfully, things like prayer and worship and meditation can be refreshing.

Now, I'm being careful about what I say yes to AND what my schedule looks like. For example: Friday nights are Blockbuster nights unless something more fun (but no exhausting) comes along. Saturday nights, I have to prep for Sunday, so no "work" after 5pm.

So yeah, not a lot of deep stuff, but so important. How can I give God my full attention in prayer and worship if I'm distracted by my busyness or the fact that I'm exhausted?

Hope this makes sense. Love ya!

On Empty

I ran out of gas last night at almost 1 in the morning. Thankfully, I wasn't by myself (yay for Tonee and Terri). Now, I'm trying to find some deep spiritual revelation in the whole thing. I was able to do it when I locked myself out of my apartment, but I'm having a little trouble with this one. If I know that God was trying to tell me something thru this situation it will mostly help me not be embarrassed...lol.

What is God trying to tell me about letting my car run out of gas? Any ideas? Two points and a prize for anyone who can give a good "revelation" AND relate it to worship somehow...

Funfetti Cake Makes People Crazy

I'm having a kinda crappy morning, so I thought I'd get on here and blog. Maybe that will get me back on track.

Yesterday I had an "A HA / God must think we're crazy" moment.

Since yesterday was Valentines Day, I made a cake and brought it to work. I put the cake out in our kitchen with a note next to it that said "Enjoy the funfetti cake. Remember: You Are Loved." I didn't put my name on the note because I didn't want to make a big deal about it. What I didn't expect was my co-workers make it a big deal. The only thing that would talk about ALL DAY was "who made the cake?" They went around asking everyone (actually, they never really asked me directly...lol). They even accused a few people of making it. At first it was kinda funny to me. But as the day went by, they got crazier and crazier. People were really frustrated that they didn't know. Then, about 5 people practically attacked this one poor lady because they were convinced that she made it (ironically, she was the only one who knew that I had made it). And it wasn't even in a friendly way. They were raising their voices. At that point, I finally told them it was me.

OMG - I couldn't believe that my coworkers pretty much lost their minds cuz they didn't know who made a cake and told them they were loved!

Then I realized that many of us do that all the time. God - where is my husband? Where is my new job? When am I going to buy a house/car? Will he ever ask me to marry him? Will she ever know that I'm alive? When will I get a promotion? When we don't get an answer in the time that we think it should come, we start to lose our minds. We end up doing stupid stuff to try to manufacture the answer or outcome that we want. Buy a new, revealing waredrobe to make him notice you...Go into debt that you'll never be able to get out of to buy a house or car you can't afford...Wear yourself out trying too hard to get that promotion...Yes, sometimes we have to be proactive to get what we want or feel we deserve. But sometimes we really don't have control over the situation and we just need to wait.

The lesson: Sometimes you won't get the answer. In some situations, you'll never know why. That is NO excuse to get stupid. Learn the difference between proactive and being desparate.

Remember, you really ARE loved. God loves us and doesn't want us to settle for manufactured blessings. He wants to do exceeding abundantly all that we can ask or think. But sometimes you just have to wait on him to see that promise fufilled.

Community Part 2

Hello,

I was going to post a few quick bullet point updates, but then I remembered that a few days ago I decided I need to do a Part 2 to the Community post (originally published in November or December).

In the past few months, I've become more immersed in my church community and God keeps speaking to me on the subject of the importance of a Christian community.

I'm a big fan of community for different reasons: opportunity to be around people who have the same foundational beliefs, ability to share your struggles in walking like Christ, corporate worship, ability to get/offer prayer when it's needed, and the list goes on.

Now I have a new reason to love community. ENCOURAGEMENT & AFFIRMATION. Someone said that 4 is the number of "creative vision" and I believe it. My church is in its 4th year of ministry and the air is thick w/ new ideas, new businesses, new songs, new friendships, new plays/skits, etc. There is so much talent around me that I can't believe it sometimes. But all that talent, all those gifts would go to waste if we didn't create an environment that encouraged people to share their ideas and gifts. Christian community should be able showing people how to hope, how to dream.

Personally, I've seen this play out w/ "This is Who I Am," with my worship leading, with my album that's in the works and with the encouragement I've received about leading the Spiritual Disciplines study at USC. Wow! I don't think I've ever been so affirmed, so encouraged, so challenged and pushed in my life to be what God has called me to be. You just won't find that outside of Christian community.

I LOVE HOPE's HOUSE! I hope you love your community too!

Of course, I understand that not everyone feels that way, so here are some pointers:

• Deal w/ any insecurities that you have (ask God to intervene). If you don't understand who you are in Christ and what He wants to do in your life, you might not ever do anything. Might not ever challenge yourself or try new things. Trust me!
• Find a Christian group that will encourage you, that you can learn from, that you can serve in. I'm not telling you to leave your church if you know you're supposed to be there! That's not my place. But I'm encouraging all to supplement what you already have w/ what you need.
• Try new things. Brainstorm new ideas and TELL SOMEONE ABOUT THEM. Accountability is a beautiful thing.
• Start asking your friends what they think your gifts are. What do they see in you?
• DREAM
• Don't let your fears/doubts/insecurities talk you out of things. As P. Chuck says: "If not you, then who? If not now, then when?"

Try it!

Out of the Box

I'm so chatty this week! So many posts lately.

Lots going on for me. New challenges at work. Disciplines Study at USC met for the first time this week. I ate fruits and veggies all week for this silly detox. Planning a trip to the Bay for next weekend. Slowly planning for this album. And, I'm leading worship on Sunday.

Pray for me if you read this before Sunday (I'm sure no one will) as I step out of my comfort zone and do a really upbeat, more gospel style song. I love the song and I've wanted to lead it for months, but I'll need to be a little less conservative in order to stay true to the integrity of the song and that makes me a little uneasy. Guess I'll be practicing in the mirror....lol...Of course, I'll give the update next week...

Encounter at the Well

A friend of mine sent me a text message with an idea for the title for my album: "Encounter at the Well." He said it fit with the theme of "This is Who I Am." So I went to the bible story he was referencing and studied it. John 4 tells the story of Jesus' encounter with the Samaritan women at Jacob's Well. Whether that ends up being the name of the album or not has yet to be determined. But I wanted to share what I learned from studying the passage:

• Jesus wanted to let the woman know who He was
• He told her what life w/ Him could be like (neverending well of living water)
• He said that the time will come when you will worship the Father in Spirit and in truth
• This means that our worship will push past our own previous understand of who God is and past the lies we've let ourselves believe and the barriers we've put up between us and Him.
• True worship means seeing who God is
• There is a link between me understanding who I am and me understanding who He is

I'm still trying to make sense of all of the connections in my head, but I was a little blown away because this passage tied in to a conversation that I had with a woman at our church about worshipping the Father in spirit/truth and it also ties into my song. All because of a suggestion.

This has been a weird week...

Re-Run (sort of...)

Hey All,

I'm already starting to see God move in the area of me and ministry. God has already used "This is Who I Am" to touch a bunch of people in ways that I didn't even expect. I can't explain it all, but I will say "WOW." I'm a little overwhelmed w/ what He' s already done and I'm excited about what He will do next.

Anyways, I realized last week that the people who read this blog may not have been "fans" since I started. In my first entry, I wrote about the point of the blog and my vision for ministry. Those of you who never read the first entry may not know all the background or the point of all this, so I wanted to share the first entry again w/ you all. I know, it feels like a re-run for all of you who like reading the blogs for the updates. Sorry.

The purpose of this blog is to start to share my vision (or ministry) with anyone who is interested in learning. I'd like to keep it updated as to the progress and how God starts to move. I guess it would make sense to start off by sharing The Vision.

The Background:I have a heart for introducing people to new styles of worship. Particularly, I love to show people there is no 1 way to worship God. I'm a worship leader, so I'll explain this in terms of musical worship. God doesn't value 1 style of worship music, 1 language of worship or 1 action (dance, lifting our hands, laying prostrate) over others. He loves them all. And since He loves them all, we might as well put all into practice. It keeps our times of corporate as well as private worship fresh and not stale.

With that said, I love music. I've always been around it, especially christian music. I grew up in the church, my dad is a worship leader/choir director, most of my family (on my dad's side) either sings or plays some type of instrument. Growing up, I went to choir rehearsals and concerts and workshops. I was so excited when I was able to join our church's praise team.

Because of this background, I am no stranger to gospel music or gospel artists. It's what I was immersed in almost all my life. Then I went to USC. I wanted to join a Christian fellowship and the ones I ended getting involved in mainly worshipped to Contemporary Christian Music (from now on, I'll refer to this as CCM). Wow! CCM was different. "Shout to the North"..."Did you Feel the Mountains Tremble?"..."Here I am to Worship"..."Shout to the Lord"..."Better is One Day". And I LOVED IT! It was new to me but I felt the power in the lyrics and passion behind the singing. Don't get me wrong. I didn't throw off gospel altogether. I joined the USC Gospel Choir (Saved by Grace) and even ended up being President of the choir. But I also ended up leading worship for Intervarsity (TCF), which was primarily CCM. Two VERY different styles of worship and I loved them both.

God taught me so much about worship through both of those experiences and did some major reshaping of my life. What I don't love is that there is a division in the church. People who worship to gospel music and people who worship to CCM seem to be in 2 different worlds. It's gone so far that people have started saying "black music" (equals gospel) versus "white music" (equals CCM). Not only is this inaccurate, but it's exclusive.

Okay, long story short...?

The Vision:God has given me a vision. He's allowed me to imagine that I (under His leadership and guidance) can work to bridge the gap between the two groups. The idea is to take CCM songs (which, as I mentioned before, I love because of the powerful lyrics) and rearrange them by adding vamps and making the music sound more "gospel." Then sharing that music - most likely by putting out an album.

So that was the first entry and in less than 4 months, I've already grown a lot and seen God start to turn the vision into reality. Very exciting times....

In the Studio

Hey All,

So I mentioned a couple of times that I was working on a new song. Well that song is finally finished and I actually went into the Truitt Studio last night and recorded it. I must say - WOW. What an awesome experience. My friend, Marc played keys for me and did an AMAZING job. And even though I have (another) cold, my voice didn't sound bad.

What a fun and rewarding experience! I think what made it even more significant was the fact that I was surrounded by family and they were quick to affirm me. They also had fun. Kelvin, Danielle and Marc seem to love the song, which is the first song that I've written by myself. It's also pretty awesome what a Mac computer can do with percussion and bass sounds. I even recorded harmony parts. AWESOME, AWESOME, AWESOME.

The song is called "This is Who I Am" and it's a reminder to me of my identity in Christ (a subject P. Chuck happens to be teaching on in Mid-Week service). The chorus says:

Made with fear and wonder
In the image of the Father
Created like no other
Beloved child of Mine
You were called and you were chosen
With a purpose and a plan
Find your identity in Me
This is Who I am

What's next, you ask? I don't know. I really want to record a live worship album (now more than ever). I don't really have any new songs that I'm working on and I don't know that I want to put together an album recorded in a studio with a bunch of original songs. In the words of my friend Candiss, we'll see what happens...

Not WHIM, Not WHIS, but WHIT...

I haven't posted since last week. At first I didn't have anything to say. Now, I have lots of thoughts on worship swimming around in my head & I'm not sure I can turn them into intelligent thoughts. That is good on one hand. It means, that I'm engaging w/ the Word & what others are saying and doing. On the other hand, I'm leading worship tonight @ MidWeek and I'm not sure how to articulate the things I feel God wants me to share.

I guess that's one of the more challenging aspects of worship leading. For many of us, it's easy to get up and sing. But to speak the word of God and lead people into worship w/ your words is a different story. That's because ANYBODY can get up and sing a song (barring any stage fright issues). But you really need to be connected to the Father to speak what He wants His people to know.

Tonight, I don't just want to worship Him in song, I want to worship Him in Teaching (WHIT), to feel the very presence of God as I share w/ His people...

Confessions

Part 2 of the 1/2/2008 blog

I know. 2 new posts in one day is a rare occasion. But I want to get something off of my chest. Here goes...

I've been really hating on a very popular gospel artist lately. I won't mention the name, but you could probably guess if that's really important to you. Anyways, I haven't been saying nice things about a man who loves God and uses his music to reach a generation of people that may not see God otherwise. I've said things like he gets on my nerves and he's too old to be doing some of the dancing that he does on stage when he performs. I think I even said that I wish he would sit down.

But now I see the error of my ways. Just because you won't ever catch me doing the "soulda boy" to Jesus music on stage doesn't mean that I have any right to judge someone else. It's all about ministry and reaching the saved and unsaved through music.

Israel's ministry is different from Kirk Franklin's. Kirk's is different from Daryl Black's. Daryl's is different from mine. Just like we need all the forms of praise, each man/woman's ministry is important to the kingdom.

So...the conclusion of the matter is that Dionna will shut up now and stop hating on kingdom builders who are doing the work of God.

OMG!!!!!!!

Part 1 of 1/2/2008 Blog

Hey All,

Happy New Year!

OMG! I got to sing behind Daryl Black on New Years Eve! How cool is that? It's very cool if you know who Daryl Black is and like his music. Basically, Daryl is a worship leader who I saw at an Intervarsity conference a couple of years ago and since then he's been growing in popularity and leading worship all over the place including a couple of other Intervarsity conferences. AND I GOT TO SING BEHIND HIM!

He was invited to HOPE's House's New Years Eve celebration and a few of us sang behind him. Let me tell you - he definitely exceeded my expectations. Daryl is really a true worshipper, knows how to lead a congregation into worship. His live singing voice is even better than on the cd and he has so much energy. Even though a lot of the people at our church aren't very familiar with him, I think they had a good time and were able to enter into God's presence as well.

Where would I be if I hadn't joined HOPE's House? I wouldn't have had the experiences that I have now. I wouldn't know the awesome people that are in my life now.

If you haven't already, go buy Daryl Black's cd, Deeper.

Here are a few things I learned from Daryl Black:

• If the atmosphere of worship has already been set before you get up to lead, acknowlege it and go along with the flow.
• Even if you know a group doesn't know the song, sing it with energy and excitement.
• If a large portion of the group isn't familiar w/ your music, put some other popular songs in the mix.